Its ok to not be ok

A few weeks ago, things got very overwhelming in my life, there was no safe place any longer for me; I was dealing with stress everywhere. I was consistently nauseated, not sleeping, withdrawing from activities and losing weight. Now my goal is to lose weight, however it needs to be done properly.

Since I track all my food, I was easily only eating 700 calories a day, which is not enough. I was not able to work out to the same intensity that I normally do, the weight I was lifting was not increasing, I was frustrated and annoyed and scared that I was going down the wrong road.

I have surgery coming up in less than 2 months and I need to be in a healthy place both mentally and physically. It is hard to go into surgery as a single mom and it plays on my mind every day. I feel scared, I feel guilty and I hate the idea of losing my independence. I pride myself on how much I can handle and how independent I am and the thought of not having that is scaring the shit out of me.

Admitting I wasn’t ok was the first big thing I’ve done. I am a super supportive friend when my friends are struggling with mental health, but I have never had it happen to me. I have always dealt with stress well in my opinion, but that streak had ended. I sought out help, I needed to figure out how to cope with my life in a healthy way. A few weeks ago, I felt very lean in the morning, so I took a picture and did a side-by-side transformation, essentially, I was celebrating weight loss, but it wasn’t done in a healthy way. I wasn’t eating, simple as that. I decided to take a few weeks off of social media, I was spending too much time on it. I use social media as a way as a way to motivate myself and others, I enjoy sharing my journey with other people.

So much has changed in my life in the last 3 years, I guess at some point I had to manage my mental health. Everyone needs to listen to their bodies and take the time they need to be ok. Seeking help does not make you any less of a person; it actually makes you a better person. Why suffer when you can get help?

If you ever feel not ok or if things get overwhelming, take a time out. Do whatever you need to become yourself again. Don’t feel bad or worry about judgment, if you lose friends, they weren’t worth keeping anyway. My friends are my support system, they are always there to listen to me and help me if needed. I am not 100% ok yet, surgery still weighs heavily on my mind, but ill be ok.

I am not perfect, but I will never stop working on myself to always be a better version of me.

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