Losing weight is easy!
Bear with me, losing weight is the easiest part of my transformation so far, most of my struggles have come in the last few months when the changes have slowed down. Of course, I am not done, I still have goals and aspirations pertaining to weight loss. I have lost 108 lbs so far; the problem is there are some days when I wake up and still feel over 300 lbs. There are times that I put on a size 10 pant but look in the mirror and see a size 22.
I have come along way over the last 10 months so far, I used to be scared of food. I would weigh my food, measure my food, track it and obsess over it. I would try to eat cleaner when I knew a weigh in day was coming. But what kind of life is that?
I am still extremely careful with foods; I avoid trying new sweets because I do not want to trigger any cravings. I am very scared that the old me will come back, that the cravings will submerge from where ever they have been hiding and try to hinder my progress.
If there was a treat in the house, usually for the kids, I would wait until they were in bed and throw it out. Not only would I throw it out though, I had to take the extra step and cover it in soap. Ridiculous right!
Up until now, anytime I walked into the gym people would ask how much I was down. I felt great, increasing my numbers every time I was asked but then that stopped. I began to feel ashamed that I wasn’t losing anymore. If I was not the girl who was losing weight, who was I? I began to become envious of other people’s transformations. I did not want to be that person, because ultimately, I was happy for everyone one who was crushing their goals.
Maintaining weight will always be my challenge. I will never be that girl who can eat whatever they want whenever they want. I have come to terms that I will always have to be conscious of my food intake and I have become ok with that. Every day is a new journey for me with new challenges, I don’t intend to be perfect but I do intend to do my best.